


I wish I were Heather

by arielV



Series: I wish I were Heather [1]
Category: High School Musical: The Musical: The Series (TV)
Genre: Based on a Conan Gray Song, Best Friends, Bisexual Disaster Ricky Bowen (HSMTMTS), Bisexual E.J. Caswell, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Song: Heather (Conan Gray)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-07
Updated: 2020-09-17
Packaged: 2021-03-07 04:22:40
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26347054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arielV/pseuds/arielV
Summary: Ricky has a crush on Nini's new boyfriend.This is basically the ''Conan Gray - Heather'' fic
Relationships: Big Red/Ashlyn Caswell, E.J. Caswell/Nini Salazar-Roberts, Ricky Bowen & E.J. Caswell, Ricky Bowen/E.J. Caswell
Series: I wish I were Heather [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1914496
Comments: 23
Kudos: 36





	1. Only if you knew

**Author's Note:**

> hey guys! fisrt of all i wanna say a few things
> 
> -this is my first fic not only in this fandom but EVER, so.. be nice? pls (i accept constructive criticism tho)
> 
> -also, i'm not a native english speaker so i apologize in advance for all the grammar errors that i know i'm gonna have for sure
> 
> -i've been reading a lot of rj fics lately but there are not as much as in other fandoms or ships and i think that's insane bc i love them together (that's why i decided to write one myself)
> 
> -ok this one is VERY important. ricky and nini never dated in this fic, they´re just best friends since childhood and they have the most amazing friendship ever. also i guess EJ is not AS arrogant in this fic as he is in the series
> 
> i think thats all. pls enjoy :)

First day of junior year and of course Ricky was already late.

He got dressed as fast as he could, took his skateboard on his way out and headed to school. Three blocks away there was his best friend Big Red waiting for him outside his house and as always, he didn't look very happy for having to wait for his friend alone for so long.

''How come you're always so late? you never learn?'' he asked.

''Sorry, it's part of my charm'' he responded as he gave Big Red a light pat on the arm and they proceeded to skate to school together.

As soon as they walked in school the first thing they did was look for Nini. She called Ricky last night and told him she had big news. She didn't say much but she sounded really exited and maybe even a little nervous.

They spoted her across the hall while she was showing some pictures to Kourtney on her phone.

''Hey''

''Hey'' she was smiling and her face was totally glowing ''how are you guys?''

''Good. So... what's the big news you wanted to talk about?'' Ricky asked.

''Ahh, well... I kinda met someone at camp'' she had a nervous smile on her face ''I was planning on introducing you all today''.

Nini and him had known each other ever since they were children. She had dated a few guys before and Ricky would always worry they would break her heart. He never got in the way of any of her relationships though, that was no place for him, but he always tried to be updated to be there for her. And she knew it.

''Oh, Nini that's great. I'm so happy for you'' Ricky said as he gave her a quick hug, partly for the big news and partly for the fact that they haven't seen each other in like a month since she left for camp.

''But if he's from camp how's that even gonna work?'' Big Red inperrupted the moment ''I mean does he live near by or is it gonna be one of those long distance relationships?''

''Well, actually, he comes to East High so that's not gonna be a problem'' she answered.

Kourtney grabbed Nini's arm ''Tell them who it is''.

Nini laughed nervously and said ''It's EJ Caswell''

Of course Ricky knew who EJ Caswell was. The whole school knew who he was.

EJ was the typical popular guy you see in those Hollywood high school movies. He was captain of the water polo team, he was always the lead on whatever production the school was making, he was a senior and of course he was fucking hot. Not that Ricky would ever say that out loud.

He was comfortable with his sexuality, but honestly that was none of anyone's business. Also, it was kind of embarrasing feeling attracted to the cliché popular guy from school. Plus, he was dating Nini now, so he was officially out of consideration.

Wait-, did he ever seriously consider it?

They met EJ for the first time at lunch.

Even though they have already been going to the same school for two years they had never really talked before.

It was nice. They didn't really get to talk too much but he seemed nicer than Ricky always thought he would be. Ricky thought he probably shouldn't have judged the book by its cover.

The rest of the day went normal and by the time he got home he was exausted, so he went directly to his room and layed on his bed. Aparently they were doing a production of High School Musical for the winter musical. That idea never really crossed his mind but now that he thought about it, it just made sense. It was the school were the movie was filmed after all.

Nini had tried to convince him to audition with her. He argued that he didn't even know how to dance but she wasn't giving up that easily.

EJ was auditioning with her anyway, so it's not like she was going to be alone, but she thought it would be fun to have everyone on the play.

Ricky was going through his phone, not really knowing what to do. Procrastinating to do his homework. Yes, it was the first day and he already had a lot of homework.

Scrolling through Instagram he felt a little curiosity. Even though basically everyone in the school followed EJ on Instagram, he never did. He would just check out his photos every now and then, but following him would be admiting that he wanted those photos on his feed.

But since he was now dating Nini and he was kind of part of his friend circle (not really, but kind of) he though it would be appropriate, so he did. EJ followed him back just a few minutes later.

He couldn't help but look at his last few posts. Most of them he already had seen but there was a new one from three hours ago. It was a picture of him and Nini at lunch. They looked really cute together.

The day of the auditions Nini still hadn't give up on her mission of gathering all of her friends and new boyfriend on the play.

''Please, Ricky. Pleaseee'' she begged.

''No, I told you, that's not my thing''

They were siting across the table in the cafeteria and she was stretching her arms on the table trying to reach to Ricky. She had those puppy dog eyes on her face that made it really hard to say no to her.

''C'mon man, it's gonna be fun'' EJ said with a grin ''Or are you scared it's gonna ruin your stoner guy aesthetic?''

''It's not that'' Ricky mumbled, he wasn't offended by the stoner guy comment, that was actually kind of his aesthetic ''It's just that I'm not into theater as you guys are''

''How do you know that if you won't even try it?'' said Nini.

She kinda had a point, but Ricky didn't want to give up that easyly.

''You know better than anyone else that I'm always behind on my homework. Joining theater would only make it worse. Plus, I'm taking calculus this year and that's gonna need all my attention''.

''Well if that's the problem I can help you. I aced calculus'' said EJ.

''How is that even possible?'' 

''I'm multi talented'' he said with a smirk on his face.

''Ok, ok'' he said to Nini ''Only because I hate saying no to you''

She immediately put a smile on her face and started clapping ''You're gonna have so much fun, I promise''

''Hey, I'm gonna audition'' he continued ''but that doesn't mean I'm gonna actually get a role on the show''

''Oh, but you will, you're such a good singer''

''Really?'' EJ interrupted again ''guess you're full of surprises, Bowen''

_Only if you knew._

After the auditions, Ricky agreed to walk Nini home.

‘’I told you you were good’’ Nini said as they walked down the hall.

They got the results right after the auditions and he was still kinda in shock for getting the lead.

‘’But isn’t EJ gonna get mad because I got the role he auditioned for?’’

He was actually worried. They were just starting to build their friendship and he didn’t wanted to do anything to make things weird between them.

For Nini, obviously.

‘’Of course not, I talked to him before leaving and he was really happy that we all got to be part of the play. Actually,’’ she continued ‘’I think he was really impressed by your talent’’

EJ Caswell? impressed? by Ricky? That was something he never though he would hear.

As soon as he got home after dropping Nini, he went to bed, ready to take a nap since, again, he didn't feel like doing his homework, but he got distracted on his phone.

About an hour after he arrived he received a few texts from an unknown number. He opened them really not knowing what to expect but he froze in place as he read them.

_hey man, its EJ_

_Nini gave me your number and i just wanted to say congratulations, i know you’ll make an amazing Troy_

_see you tomorrow:)_

He reread those three texts about a hundread times.

So EJ asked Nini for his phone number just to congratulate him for getting the role that HE wanted? EJ was turning out to be a lot different than Ricky though he would be.

He always though he would be one of those arrogant guys that they know they’re hot and popular and they think they can treat everyone like garbage just because of that.

But so far EJ was actually one of the nicest people he had ever met. That was gonna make it a lot harder to get over his little crush he had for him.

But he had no other option, did he?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooo... i would love to know what you guys think
> 
> i wanted to write a fic for a very long time but i guess i was kinda scared:/
> 
> i know this chapter didn't have as much rj as may have expected but i promise there will be a lot more in the next one
> 
> hope you liked it<3


	2. she's got you mesmerized

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ricky is spiraling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeey! thank you guys so much for all your comments in the first chapter, i really apreciate it<3
> 
> also, i forgot to mention that i'm gonna be leaving short quotes from the song in each episode just bc i think its fun lmao
> 
> anyways,, here's chapter two!

I've got to admit. Theater was not as bad as I thought it would be.

Maybe it was just because I was around my closest friends and I also got to meet a lot of new people. Great people. I honestly don't think I ever heard about Ashlyn before but she seemed really nice, although... I think Big Red liked her a lot more than I did. 

I also met Gina. I have no idea how is it that I never heard of before either. She's pretty ambitious but not in a bad way. Just in a way that she knows what she wants and fights for it. I admire that.

I'm so happy that Nini got to play Gabriella, don't get me wrong, I'm so proud of her and I think she really deserves it, but maybe in the spring musical Gina could get to play the lead.

It felt like everyone just connected almost immediately with each other. The whole crew had this amazing energy and we would just have so much fun in rehearsals.

Even though I knew basically nothing about theater and I struggled a lot to learn the lingo, everyone was really nice and patient. Specially, I was still surprised that EJ turned out to be so kind. He always played it cool but he was kind of a theater nerd himself so I got a lot of help from him and Nini during and after rehearsals.

The three of us would hang out a lot at this coffee place Nini loved just to rehearse a bit more. Sometimes I would invite Big Red as well so I wouldn't feel like a third wheel but a lot of times he would say he already had plans with Ashlyn. 

At this point I didn't really know what was going on between them but they seemed to be really comfortable around each other.

So, so far everything was going great.

And even though I would never say it out loud I've got to admit to myself that I'm kind of glad I joined the play. Still, this is a just one time thing so don't expect me to be in the next production.

There was this one time that I was really showing my lack of coordination as we rehearsed one of the hardest choreographies and Carlos asked me to stay after rehearsals to practice.

I was not expecting to see that EJ had to stay as well. I never would have guessed that he was bad at dancing too.

I guess you can't have it all.

In the end there were only Carlos, Seb, Gina, some other dancers, EJ and me. Gina was there to teach them the choreography, Carlos was supervising and Seb was basically just there to make him company.

It was kind of embarrassing the fact that only EJ and him had to take those extra lessons. The other dancers were just there to help them out and guide them during the songs.

But at least I wasn't completely alone, so I mentally thanked EJ for being a bad dancer.

After about two hours of the most intense work out I had ever done, Carlos finally gathered everyone around him as he talked.

''Ok. That was not bad guys, I definitely saw some progress, but you're still gonna have to stay every wednesday after rehearsals''

Everyone let out a moan. Rehearsals were fun, yeah, but it's not like they had nothing else to do.

''It's not my fault you guys suck, ok?'' He continued ''That's all for today tho, you can go home''

EJ started to collect all his belongings in his backpack and get ready to leave, but I had other plans; just lay on the floor until I could feel my legs again.

‘’Oh, Bowen. This is so sad to look at’’ said EJ, as he stopped next to him on his way out.

‘’Shut it’’

‘’Do you ever even work out at all?’’

‘’Why would I?’’ I said as I tried to stand up but only got as far as sitting.

‘’So you don’t get heart attack the next time you try to do a 30 seconds long dance routine’’ he reached out his arm to help me actually stand up ‘’Are you driving home?’’

‘’I’m skating home’’

‘’No way, it’s freezing out there. C’mon I’ll give you a ride’’

Letting Nini’s boyfriend take me home? I mean it was just and innocent ride with my best friend’s new boyfriend whom I was trying to bond. For her. Nothing wrong with that.

That’s what anyone else would think. The thing is that I knew EJ wasn’t just my friend’s boyfriend. I definitely wouldn’t say I liked him, but have I ever had dreams about him? Maybe. What kind of dreams? I’d rather not tell.

Of course that ever since Nini told me they were dating I’ve been trying to stop thinking about him that way. But it was kinda hard since we had to see each other every day at school, and then after school at rehearsals and now after rehearsals as well.

And sometimes when he was all sweaty after a long dance practice, he would lift his shirt up just enough to show off his abs. Yeah, that obviously didn’t help.

But this was just a ride home. I mean what could go be wrong about that, right?

‘’All jokes aside, I really think you’re getting better’’

EJ’s voice interrupted my thoughts as I was rethinking my decision of getting in that car with him in the first place while I pretended to look through the window.

It had that new car smell that kind of intimidated me for some reason.

‘’I mean, do you remember our first dance rehearsal? You really sucked’’ he continued.

‘’Woah, thanks. Right back at you''

EJ laughed at that response, a genuine laugh. It's not like I had just told him the most amazing joke ever. That was probably the lamest response I could have though of, but he seemed so relaxed. I though I would never get to see EJ Caswell like that. I never even though I would interact with him this much.

He always had this appearance of being the stereotypical unreachable popular guy. It's like the person who was right in front of me wasn't even EJ Caswell, known for the entire school for being attractive, charming and the captain of the water polo team. It felt like he transformed and for the first time ever I saw him as an actual real life person.

He seemed a lot more comfortable and real than he ever did...

Wait no! That's insane right? I mean we're literally just getting to know each other. I don't even think he considers me a friend yet. 

I'm definitely making this whole thing up. It's all in my head. 

He's got a girlfriend and as far as I know he's straight.

Obviously you never know, but this is just pure insanity. I really need to get this out of my head. I've done this before. I start daydreaming about a person and imagining all these things that couldn't be more far from reality, so I better stop.

The fact that I'm even thinking about EJ like might feel something for me is so stupid and wrong. Not only because he has a girlfriend, but that girlfriend is also my best friend.

I really need to get all those stupid ideas out of my head. I keep going deeper and deeper into those thoughts and it needs to stop before it's too late and becomes an obsession.

My thoughts were disrupted once again but this time by EJ’s phone.

It was Nini calling.

‘’Hey, babe. I’m in the car with Ricky, I’m putting you on speaker.’’

‘’Yo, Nini’’ I said, barely on my senses, still a little distracted on my own thoughts.

‘’Hey guys.’’ She said ‘’how was rehearsal? I thought Carlos would have tortured you ‘til death by now’’

‘’Well, almost’’ said EJ. He had this huge smile on his face for talking to her.

They kept talking for a few minutes. I think they settled plans for the weekend. I didn’t really listened that much. I was pretty busy having an internal debate discussing whether I should jump out of the moving car or wait until I got home to kill myself.

God, what a horrible person I was.

There was my best friend, basically showing how happy she was with her new boyfriend. Both of them being cute with each other and all I could think of was ‘’I wish his eyes would light up like that when he talked to me’’.

I genuinely love seeing Nini so happy. I do.

The only problem here is that life is unfair. I’ve been repressing my feelings for EJ for so long, but it was easy back then. Back when I didn’t have to see him every day, and even if I did, we wouldn’t talk. It was easy because he wasn’t really a part of my life yet. But he is now.

I honestly had no idea my feelings for him could even be this strong. But now that no matter where I go, he’s there, now that no matter who I talk to or what we talk about, he comes up on the conversation, I can’t help but think about him all day long. I can’t hide from my feelings anymore.

And of course I realize that now that he’s dating Nini. Because life is unfair.

***

It’s 2.00 am and I can’t sleep.

I can’t get the image of EJ’s wide smile out of my head. And the reason of that smile is her. Her and not me.

_She’s got you mesmerized._

_While I die._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wanted to upload this chapter earlier but I had a lot of homework to do, sorry:(
> 
> hope you enjoyed!


	3. me in your sweater

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeey, im sorry it took me so long to update, i had so much homework (online school sucks btw) but here you go
> 
> this chapter is just a buch of rj moments i had been saving up   
> they're getting ~closer~ ;)
> 
> also, this story is supossed to happen in 2019 but i know that conan gray album came out in 2020 but,,, can we just,, ignore that timeline error? ok thanks love you :*

It was Wednesday evening and I was at EJ’s house. His parents weren’t home, so he invited me to come over after rehearsals.

I’ve noticed that he doesn’t like being alone. Every time I see him in the hallway, he’s with someone. Whether it’s Nini, someone from theater, one of his water polo teammates. Anyone. But I don’t think I’ve ever seen him walking around the school by himself.

He told me he was home alone pretty often because his parents were always out of town for business.

I thought it would be kind of cool. Obviously not the fact that your parents aren’t around that much, that must suck. But everyone needs some alone time and having the house all for yourself could be fun.

‘’At first maybe, but trust me, you would get sick of it so quickly’’

I felt bad for him, I didn’t know what to say. I felt like I couldn’t say anything about it because I didn’t know what that was like. I couldn’t say something like ‘I understand, I know how you feel’ because that would be a lie. At the end I didn't even had to say anything, he changed the topic.

‘’Anyway, what do you wanna do? Should we order some pizza?’’

‘’Pizza for dinner? I thought as an athlete you’d know better than that’’

‘’I’m an athlete, not a robot’’

So we ordered pizza.

He turned on the TV in the living room as we sat down on the couch. We couldn’t decide what to watch while we ate, so we opted for what you always watch when you’re unsure. The Office.

‘Cause when in doubt, just watch The Office.

We weren’t really paying attention though. We started talking about the show. I told him something I didn’t think I would actually dare to tell anyone, not even Nini: I was a little scared.

Sure, at first I only joined the show because Nini asked me to. It was just something I did because I thought that would make her happy, but it was so much more than that now.

After seeing all the hard work everyone was putting into the show I was kind of intimidated. I didn’t want to do anything wrong, anything that would ruin the show. I knew it meant a lot for everyone and I was scared I was going to screw it up just because I wasn’t good enough.

He looked at me with those beautiful blue-green eyes. I felt heat rushing through my cheeks. _What a sight._ It was reassuring but kind of intimidating at the same time.

‘’I honestly don’t understand’’. He said ‘’How can someone have so much talent as you do and still doubt about themselves?’’

I let out a nervous giggle. In that moment I realized how close we were. We were sitting right next to each other, only a few inches apart and he had his arm resting on the back of the couch, so it was brushing my neck.

‘’Hey, I’m serious’’. He continued ‘’You know I wanted the role of Troy, that’s the one I auditioned for. But now that I’ve seen you play it, I have no doubt Miss Jenn really knew what she was doing when she assigned the roles. You’re the perfect Troy.’’

‘’But that doesn’t mean I’ll do a good job’’

‘’Of course you will. You portray him so well and you’re so talented, so stop worrying about it. Trust me, everyone in the audience is gonna be as impressed with you as I am.’’

He said it in such a genuine way. He never even took his eyes out of mine.

It felt really good talking to him. I mean, I knew I could trust on Nini and Big Red with anything, we were so close. But it just wasn’t the kind of things I usually talked with them.

Honestly, I don’t think I’ve ever had someone I could talk to like that. And I didn’t even know why I decided to bring that up with EJ. If you had asked me a few months ago if I thought I would be so opened about my feelings with him I would’ve probably laugh in your face. We didn’t even talk to each other back then.

So I didn’t know why I suddenly felt so comfortable with him. Maybe it’s because he was so opened and relaxed. And real.

We kept talking for a while. We talked about him and Nini. It was a harsh hit of reality, but I needed it. Every now and then I would just momentarily forget they were together. But he was taken. There was no excuse.

Hours went by and it was getting darker and colder outside.

I told him I had to go so he accompanied me to the front door, but as I was saying goodbye he asked me to stay over.

‘’I mean it’s pretty dark already. I can take you to school tomorrow’’

‘’I don’t know. I don’t have any clothes here or anything’’

I didn’t know how I felt about staying over with EJ. It’s not like anything was going to happen but I just thought everything would be really different if he knew I felt about him.

‘’I can lend you something. C’mon.’’

So I said yes.

We stayed outside for a while anyway, but it was cold and I was only wearing a light t-shirt. I was freezing but I didn’t want to say anything because I didn’t wanted to ruin the moment.

It was kinda nice just being outside with the pretty chill atmosphere.

It was quiet, there was no one else outside. Just the two of us.

He probably didn’t even notice how cold it was since he was wearing a sweatshirt on top of his exercise shirt. But it didn’t matter how much I tried to play it cool, he noticed I was slightly shaking.

‘’Oh, you must be freezing, I’m so sorry’’. He apologized ‘’Do you wanna go back inside?’’

‘’No, I kinda like it here. It’s nice’’

‘’Yeah’’. He agreed ‘’But wait’’

He walked over to his car and opened the passenger’s door. Then he walked back at me with his varsity jacket and handed it to me.

‘’ _Looks better on you_ , actually’’ He said as I was putting it on.

‘’Are you surprised?’’ I said with a smirk, trying to dissimulate the fact that I blushed at his comment.

Then we sat together in front of the door and proceeded to talk for a little longer.

It’s hard to explain exactly why, but that night was special. Putting all my feelings for EJ aside, it was just nice talking to him.

It was around 11:30 that we realized we should probably go back inside.

We cleaned up all the mess me made in the living room and we headed upstairs to EJ’s room.

As soon as we walked in the first thing I noticed was a guitar hanging on the wall.

‘’Hey’’ I said as I pointed at it ‘’I didn’t know you played’’

‘’Yeah, I’m not as good as you though, but I try my best’’

‘’Oh, play something. Please’’ I begged.

‘’No way. You’re gonna laugh. I’m still learning and I’m really bad’’

‘’I’m not gonna laugh. Please, play something. Please’’

He wasn’t giving up, so I had to bring up the secret weapon. I didn’t do it that often, only when I really wanted something and I saw no other way. It worked every single time.

I tilted my head a little sideways, opened my eyes a little wider, raised my eyebrows and stuck my bottom lip out.

‘’Damn you and those puppy eyes, Bowen.’’ He said before making his way to the wall where the guitar was hanging.

As I said, it worked every single time.

He sat on his bed and invited me to sit next to him. Then he played a few chords and started singing as well and I immediately recognized the song. It was Comfort Crowd from Conan Gray.

He was actually doing really well, better than I expected, but right after the first chorus he messed up a chord and groaned in frustration. ‘’I told you I’m still learning’’

‘’Hey, that was very impressive. Just because you got one chord wrong it doesn’t mean it was bad. I mess up chords all the time’’

He smiled at me for that. ‘’Thanks. I know I need to practice more though’’

I played a little something too, he insisted me. Also, I gave him a few tips. Nothing much though, he was already pretty good.

At this moment we realized what time it was and we decided to call it a day and go to sleep.

He lent me some clothes and went downstairs to take thick blanket for him to sleep on the floor.

I almost told him it was okay for me to sleep in the same bed, but that would have definitely crossed a line.

The next day, as soon as I got home the first thing I did was search my Kid Krow album and I played it on repeat all day long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, fisrt of all i hope you guys liked it<3  
> also i dont think ive ever seen a drawing of ricky wearing ejs jacket so if i knew how to draw i would definitely do that  
> (hint for those of you who do know how to draw)
> 
> ps: next chapter is gonna be halloween related, i already started writing it and so far i think its my favorite one ;)


End file.
